Self-Love: The Key To Personal Liberation

no apologies

They say, the most difficult thing to do is to love one’s self. In my experience, this is true.

What does self-love mean, and why is it so difficult?

Self-love:

  • Self-love is to be honest with one’s self first and foremost. Even if you choose not to be honest with others at any given moment.

  • To appreciate and accept yourself as you are: to give yourself permission to be exactly what you really want to be.

  • To care for yourself enough to live your life according to your own will and not to the demands and expectations of others.

  • To validate and approve of yourself, your choices, your desires, your unique self-expression, no matter what the rest of the world thinks.

  • To love yourself enough to trust yourself.

  • To accept your ‘wayward’ emotions without judgment.

I don’t know if you agree about the difficulty of loving one’s self. I have explored and struggled with this thing called self-love for some time, and it felt like I was challenging the whole world with its agreed upon belief system which demands that we must put others first before ourselves, so that we don’t appear selfish by catering first to our needs before the needs of others. The result of this hypocritical belief is that while we may appear generous, kind and strong on the outside, we may actually be suffering, tormented and fragile inside because we are too scared to show our true feelings, to express our true desires, and live authentic lives.

If we love ourselves enough to give ourselves the permission to be who we are, it will be easier for us to permit others to be who they are. As we accept our idiosyncrasies, our mistakes, our nonstandard or non-mainstream desires, we will find ourselves more understanding and permissive of others’ mistakes and idiosyncrasies. If we love ourselves enough not to beat ourselves up to conform to some established standard of normality or morals, we would not also be as critical and judgmental of others who we think are not measuring up to such social standards.

It is true that, at the core, the way we treat ourselves (consciously and, mostly, unconsciously) is the way we treat others. It is when we are cruel and exacting of ourselves (even if we don’t know or admit it) that we also become cruel and exacting of others.

So when we fully love ourselves for who we are, we set ourselves free. We let ourselves off the hook. And simultaneously, we set others free. For it is in understanding and acknowledging our own complexities, our strengths and weaknesses, our fears and insecurities that we truly come to develop genuine understanding and sympathy for others.

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Four Things I Learned When I Did Not Have Money

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There is an ebb and flow to everything. It is the very rhythm of Nature. And when we look closer, we see that it is God’s beautiful design. – Allu

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falling into place

This post is a sequel to my previous post about money.

Although the ebb of money in my experience did a good job to dampen my mood and make me question and doubt my choices and progress, I can say that the lessons I learned from the situation are very valuable for my purposes.

The experience is, in fact, what I needed to bring me closer to where I want to be.

Where do I want to be?

Where I want to be is a state of mind, or what you would call a ‘state of being’.

Here are some of the things I learned when I did not have money:

1. I learned to appreciate the little things that are usually taken for granted. I think this is the most common thing we all come to realize when something is taken away from our experience. It is said that an apple is the sweetest apple if it’s the only apple.

2. I gradually learned not to be dependent on the idea of money as the basis of my freedom, happiness, self-worth, self-confidence, and fun.

How did I practically arrive to number 2?

  • I learned, or was rather compelled, to develop other skills.

  • I activated unused assets.

  • I appreciated more and highlighted existing strengths and used them to get to my goal. 

  • I discovered ways to have fun without using money currency.

  • Most importantly, I learned to trust (as I found myself in a situation where I have no other options – but to trust).

I noticed that the points enumerated above are simply mechanisms for adaptation. And if we adapt to changing circumstances, we evolve – a very good thing! For when we lack something, we develop another thing to help us adapt and survive in our current environment. We are pressed to explore more of our capabilities and creativity, which in turn, prod us to become more well-rounded, more integrated, and in the end, happier humans.

This reminds me of Tyrion Lannister in the Game of Thrones series. Since he is a dwarf, Tyrion cannot fight like the other knights and swordsmen to protect himself and his king or queen. His remaining option was to hone and employ his wit, humor and intellect. While some of the best swordsmen and influential characters were annihilated, Tyrion, the dwarf, survived and thrived.

We are reminded of what we often hear about, ‘count your blessings’. This is to say, not to sulk and dwell on our misfortunes or lack. Instead, we appreciate and amplify what we already have. It could be intangible things like our clarity, peacefulness, authenticity, humor, affection, social skills, etc.

3. Another difficult learning I finally came to grasp was to not let external appearances dictate or overwhelm my perception and mood. Now if we can exhibit and maintain this intention to be undisturbed – not only by the looks of our finances, but also by the sour weather, or by the acts of other people – we can say that we have succeeded in finding that coveted solid inner foundation of strength that state of beingwhich is so calm yet so strong that it is unmoved, by either praise or slander, so to speak.

Obviously, easier said than done. But . . .

4. Lastly, and this goes deeper into metaphysics, is knowing that we are the creators of our reality. That each individual is Creator Source Being, and that whatever happens to you is your own manifestation (conscious or unconscious) which your ‘larger self’, together with other co-creators, has created as it serves you in one way or another.

I have since learned that life is a mind trick. All that happens to us can serve our highest good if we look at it with the right perspective.

As a Creator Source Being, I created my financial ebb to learn these things I learned.

Needless to say, these learnings are applicable to other areas in our lives as well, where we think something is missing or lacking.

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Money Is Power

Honest. Admit it. Whether we like it or not, money is power.

We may be strongly resistant to the thought that our sense of self-worth could be tied to how much money we have, but having very little or no money at all does significantly affect our level of self-confidence. For so-called conscious “spiritual workers”, especially, it is particularly difficult and embarrassing to admit this to oneself, since we loathe the thought that our value and confidence level could be affected by a mere “material” thing, such as money.

However, rather than to go on continually denying (as many Light Workers do) that our feelings are not a bit affected by our financial circumstances, it serves us to understand our confused or ambivalent relationship to money, so that we may find peace with it.

The first step is to see money for what it really is.

money is power

Money is energy. Energy is power. Money is power.

Energy, money, power – they all go through cycles of surges and declines. And just like the ebb and flow of the ocean tides, our emotions are naturally affected by the same energetic movements – the ebb and flow of money in our experience.

So there is really nothing to be embarrassed about when our moods and self-confidence is dampened by the ebb in our finances. It is but natural that we don’t feel so confident and energized when money energy is on the low, as it is natural to feel perky and confident when money energy is on the flow.

However, although we can’t help but feel dispirited when we are face to face with financial ebb, we can always find a way to use the experience to our advantage.

In my next blog post, I’d like to share some of the interesting things I learned when I didn’t have money.

When I Was Young, I Wanted To Be…

In my basic Japanese language class, the teacher required the class to make a very simple composition using the Nihongo that we have learned so far. We were asked to read our work in front of the class.

The topic was, “When I was young, I wanted to be . . .”.

Translated into English, my composition went like this:

When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a teacher.

When I was in secondary school, I wanted to become an artist. I drew pictures. I made decorative crafts. And I wrote novellas.

But when I was in college, I wanted to join a revolution and be like Che Guevara.

Now, I just want to be a Buddha.

After reading my sentences, I peeked at my teacher who was standing by the side of the room. I waited for her comments and corrections. For a moment, she did not say a word. Then she smiled a very sweet smile.

I guess she liked my composition . . ..

As I went back to my seat, two South Asian classmates, stared at me. The one from India, his eyes, dark, deeply expressive, appeared very perplexed. The one from Nepal, his eyes, light brown, intense, also appeared very perplexed.

I was confused.

They both asked, “Did you say you wanted to be a Buddha? Or was it buta?

I said, I want to be a Buddha.

They then corrected me by saying that I should stress the double ‘d’ in Buddha. Otherwise, it sounded like I said ‘buta’ – which means ‘pig’ in Japanese.

The class was in Japanese language, but I had a simultaneous lesson in learning how to correctly pronounce a South Asian word!

allu

The Only One Thing That Motivates People To Act

rumi on love

 

I had been thinking: what do people look for when they do what they do, whatever that thing they do?

I initially came up with three obvious basic human motivations:

1. Love – The need to love and be loved
2. Survival – ‘To exist’: The survival of the body and/or a person’s self-image or Ego.
3. Search for meaning or a higher purpose – The desire to know the purpose of existence. The desire to seek, reach out, or unite with a greater power.
Some people look for fame because they want to be admired. The admiration they seek is a form of love.

Some people do things and fancy being appreciated for what they do. The appreciation they seek is a form of love.

People act on their passion, joy, bliss. This is simply love.

People do things to provide for their loved ones. This is love.

The search for meaning or a higher purpose is to fill the void – a non-physical need. This search is equally motivated by love – self-love.

People kill other people; nations go to war for various reasons.

At first glance, we may say that the reason for this is simply hate. But why would one hate another if not for fear or a perceived threat from that other?

The reason could be fear, religion, self-defense, revenge, or to control more resources. These are all premised on self-preservation or the survival of body and self-image/ego.

Self-preservation of body and self-image is also a form of love – self-love – albeit a distorted sense of self-love, if you will.

It does appear that the common motivation for any action, whether it be considered an appropriate or inappropriate action, is love.

Therefore, “all we need is love”.

So don’t hesitate to wish love for friends and enemies alike, for they may be fighting an inner battle we know nothing about.

 

Unconditional Love

waterbabe

I love, honor, accept, respect and approve of you as you are.

As you seek to find your own special way to relate to the world the way you feel that is right for you.

It is important that you are the person you choose and desire to be, and not someone that I or others think you should be.

I realize that I cannot know what is best for you, though perhaps sometimes I think I do.

I have not been where you have been, viewing life from the angle that you have.

I do not know what you have chosen to learn, who you have chosen to learn it with, or in what time period.

I have not walked life looking through your eyes.

So how can I know what you need?

I allow you to be in the world without a thought or a word of judgement from me about the deeds you undertake.

I see no error in the things you say and do.

I see that there are many ways to perceive and experience the different facets of our world.

I allow, without reservation, your right to make the choices you make in each moment.

I make no judgment of this, for if I were to deny your right to evolution, then I would deny that right to myself and all others.

If you would choose a way I cannot walk, whilst I may not choose to add my power and my energy to it, I will never deny you the gift of Unconditional Love that the Creator bestowed within me for all creation.

As I love you, so I shall be loved.

As I sow, so shall I reap.

I honor and respect the universal right of free will: that you walk your own path, following your love, light and truth, creating steps or sitting awhile if it is what is right for you.

I make no judgement of these steps, whether they are large or small, or light or heavy, or that they lead up or down, for this is just my viewpoint.

While I may perceive that I see you do nothing and judge it to be unworthy, I honor and respect that it may be that you bring great healing as you stand blessed by the light of the Creator.

I accept and honor that I cannot always see the higher picture of Divine Order, and that it is the inalienable right of all beings to choose their own evolutionary style.

And with Unconditional Love, I acknowledge your right to determine your future.

In humility, I bow to the realization that the way I see is the best for me, but that does not have to mean that it is also the best or the right one for you.

I know that you are led as I am, following the Inner Excitement of your own path.

I know that many races, religions, customs, nationalities and beliefs within our world bring us great riches, and allow us the benefit of diverse teachings.

I know we each learn in our own unique way in order to bring that love and wisdom back to the Whole.

I know that if there were only one way to something, there would need to be only one person.

I love you, unconditionally, whether or not you behave in a way I think you should, or believe in those things I believe in.

I  Thank you, unconditionally, for being YOU, and for the many blessings your Being brings to me, and to the world.

– A rampage of unconditional love by Abraham Hicks